Funhouse
by JustWOW
Summary: Cuddy gives House a tour of her childhood home, with a few extra details. Rated T for language. It's a one shot, forgot to check the "complete box".


"Thank you for saving me from your parents. I was afraid they were going to ask if I was an alien and discover my secret identity." House covered his mouth in mock shock, " Oh no I've said to much!" Cuddy rolled her eyes as they walked along the porch of her parent's house, House's cane thumping loudly along the old cedar boards.

" House! I know they're a little odd, and like to get into others business, but those are the people that raised me. Please try to have some respect, or if that's too hard just fake it. Okay?"

"Yes ma'am, I am your Genii … your every wish is my command." House bowed playfully, avoiding the light jab Cuddy threw his way. "Abuse! This woman is abusing me! Call the cops!" He shouted, but only loud enough for her to hear.

"Whatever. Hey want a tour of the rest of the house?"

"As long as we don't run into your dad, or especially your _mom_, sure."

Cuddy led him through the double French doors and into the formal living room. There was an oriental tapestry rug on the polished wood floor, and two dark leather couches around a leaded glass table. She pointed to the rug, " when I was younger, my sister "rescued" a dog and he peed right there in front of my dad. That was when this rug was new, well to our house anyway. I never saw that dog again…"

'Your old man wasn't exactly an animal lover, was he?' Cuddy shrugged as they took a few steps over to a large bay window overlooked the front yard. " This window my sister broke when I came back from a weekend in New York and slept with her new boy friend. I was 17 what did she expect? She was so pissed she threw her textbook right through the window." They walked over to the next window, which looked slightly newer and had a large dent in the frame.

"Who broke this one?'

"Winter break of my first year in college I came home for the Hanukah and well, lets just say things got a little "close" with one of my dad's associates. My dad put his fist through the window."

"Cuddy were you like a slut back then or something back then?"

" Thanks. No. There's much more to show you, come on." They walked through a hallway covered with family photos, new and old. Most of the photos were of Amanda, Cuddy's sister, and her family.

"Where are you?" House questioned, looking over the pictures.

"Oh. That's another story all together, but my mom doesn't like that I didn't become a stay at home mom like my sister. Being a "career woman" isn't something she approves of."

"Oh." They turned the corner and walked into an office. "It's pink. Like REALLY PINK." And it was, there was pink upholstery, pink wallpaper, pink bins etc."

"This is my mom's office, where I spent an hour getting yelled at then a few more hours getting grounded."

"What the hell did you do?"

"I went to Monte Carlo for a week without telling my parents when I was 18."

"Why?" He was actually impressed with her, and quite a bit shocked.

"My boyfriend at the time had a house there… and I wanted to go."

They left the "grounding room" and walked into the garage. The floor was polished concrete and the whole place was super neat. The walls hung with garden tools and car tools and some tools that House didn't know what they were for. "And what horrible thing did you do here? Sleep with the dean at Michigan, chop off you sisters head…"

"Nothing _that_ serious. Well, this is where I had my first kiss. And it was great except for the fact that we were up against the table saw over there," she pointed to a large saw at the back of the garage, "and I accidentally flicked the switch and… we had to take him to the ER to get a few stitches."

"Are you sure it was an accident?' House's voice was full of sarcasm and his eyes open wide when he spoke.

"No."

"Then you must have been like a human wrecking ball."

"Gee, thanks you're so supportive." Cuddy playfully punched him in the arm. "That's not all that happened in here," See that far wall, that is where I crashed my dad's new BMW after a joy ride when I was 14."

"HOLY SHIT! You're dad had a BMW?"

"I Love how that's all you got out of that." House smiled as they walked into the driveway.

"Here is where I really pissed off my mom. Remember that Audi I had when I first hired you? Well the week after I got the job as Dean, I drove up in that car and told my mom that I was in charge of a hospital. And she wasn't happy, she was actually more appalled. And that pissed me off so I told her to stay out of my life and drove off."

"Wow, sorry for you." They walked back into the house and down yet another hallway, into a bathroom. "This is proof of just how loaded your parents are." The bathroom was huge with a Jacuzzi tub big enough to hold 4 grown people. The slate floor led up to a 2-door shower, with heads on the ceiling and sides. "What did you do in here, or do I even want to know?"

"When I was younger it didn't look like this. It was still nice, but a lot smaller and it had an antique claw foot tub. When I was really little, like, 4, my sister and me would take baths together, except she HATED them. So my mom always told me to help-"

"And I'm guessing you, being bossy like you are, took it upon yourself to make sure she took a bath."

"Oh, you know me too well," Cuddy smirked at House's comment, "So anyway, one time I was playing and flipped over the edge and got stuck underneath this fancy vintage tub. And my sister didn't realize where I was, started screaming, so I tried to get out and stop her crying. Anyway I had to stay under there for 5 minutes till my dad came in, annoyed with the screaming."

House started laughing, "Seriously, that's pathetic. Does every room in your house have some disaster story?"

"Pretty much. Want to go check out upstairs?"

"No, defiantly not. I've had enough of your crazy childhood for 1 day. Just answer me this; how the hell did you go from this rebellious danger-child to a freaking dean of medicine?"


End file.
